Quiet Times Search

• Don't reject him
• Don't ridicule him
• Teach him to relate confidently to other boys
• Teach him sports and manly skills

• Because of failure, they can hide things from you or even themselves
• Ask them if they anything on their mind
• Work through things until they are confident
• Share some of our worse blunders - draws them closer and assures them that they are not alone

• God is honored
• God's presence is sought and experienced in daily life
• Prayer is an ongoing reality
• The Bible faithfully read and obeyed
• There is love for God's church and is fully involved in its fellowship and ministry
• There is times of worship, praise, and study
• The children have their own times of personal Bible study
• The parents spend regular times with each child to disciple them to Christ
• A group that is dedicated to helping other become disciples of Jesus

• Genuine in our love for God
• Consistent in our walk with him
• Wholehearted in our dedication

1. Prayer
2. Discipling times
3. Family devotionals
4. Devotion to Church
   
5. Evangelistic lifestyle
6. Children's Quiet Times

1. He obeyed her - Luke 2:51
2. He allowed her to influence him when he performed his first miracle - John 2:1-11
3. He did not allow his devotion to Mary make him sentimental - Mark 3:20-35
4. Protected and provided for her needs as he died on the cross

In his torment, he sees the need of his mother and he entrusts her to John's care - John 19:25-27

Jesus let John know that he trust him and needs him to take care of his mother
God in the flesh yet her express his need to John's help

John was transformed from "son of thunder" to "Apostle of Love"
John later teaches us that if we say we love God but no our brother that we are a liar - 1 John 4:19-20

The problem with not feeling close, real, or trust is our issue

How close, real, and trusting are your relationships?

What do your relationships with people tell you about your relationship with God?

Upon hearing about the death of his close friend Lazarus, Jesus wept...

Jesus really felt the emotions that we feel
He fully divine and fully human at the same time
He knows what it is like to experience loss, pain, hurt, and fatigue

Why did he cry? Scripture does not say. Could be because:

• He felt the hurt of Mary and Martha
• He was expressing the hurt of the loss of his friend
• He was antipating his own death

Who are your deepest relationships in the church?

When Jesus first heard the news about Lazarus, Jesus declared that his illness was not going to be fatal - John 11:4

When Lazarus died, the disciples probably thought that he really blew it this time

Good thing Jesus called lazarus by nameotherwise every corpse in cemetery may have come out

The story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead foreshadows Jesus' own resurrection after three days in the tomb

Jesus is a victor over death
The phrase goes: Two things are certain - death and taxes

While some could not pay taxes for a while; no one but Jesus can conquer death

Do you fear death? How does your relationship with Jesus change the way you once thought?

Since the promises of God can relied on, it can have powerful affect on how we view life and how we live it

Psalms 119 - Shows us the relationship of God to spiritual life

Psalms 119:50 - God's promises enable him to press on and not give into dispair
Pain may be great - but the promise of God looms larger.

Psalms 119:140 - Again and again he has relied on God's promises and has come to value them

Psalms 119:148 - Deep conviction about focusing on the promises, keep him up
Will do whatever it takes to fill his mind with the promises

Psalms 119:154 - When he is threatened and in danger, remind the Lord of his promises

Psalms 119:162 - Promises of God is a treasure to him

By the time we are old enough to understand, we have hurt and been hurt so many times - we need forgiveness and so do others
We can become resentful and bitter - only way out the vicious cycle is to learn how to forgive

The definition of a dysfunctional relationship: the inability to solve conflict and forgive

Hugh obstacle: We can not truely forgive until we have experienced forgiveness
Once we are forgiven by God can we forgive as God does

Once we are forgiven, we are obligated to forgive others - Matthew 18
Forgving others as in Christ God forgave you - Ephesians 4:32

Our sins against each other pale in comparison to our sins against God

When we accept God's forgiveness, we are compelled to forgive others including ourselves
Not forgiving ourselves is one of the most arrogant acts we can perform

Some people spend years trying to figure out how to forgive themselves
Until God forgives us, it is fruitless exercise 
We are not God - once God forgives, forgiving ourselves is a natural step

God has promised to forgive - let us experience forgiveness, rejoice in his forgiveness and express his forgiveness in all our relationships

Call me and I'll answer - Psalms 91:14-16

I can help others when I am confident that God is listening to and responding to my prayers

When we lose faith that our prayers will be answered, we lose heart and our relationship with God withers

We may not always give us the answer we want; he always responds for our good

We must see the answers he gives and never doubt that he loves us

Jesus overcame temptation by using scripture, prayer, and he called others for encouragement from others

He deliberately sought out support and encouragement from his 3 closest friends
He also expressed his disappointment at their failure to help

We desperately need relationships for encouragement EVERY day - Hebrews 3:12-13
Tempatation comes every day

There is no excuse in an age of modern technology for getting in touch

• Rejection
• Persecution from someone we have helped to know God
• Loss of a relationship to follow God
• Injustice of living in an imperfect world

• To please him
• To change
• To serve him better

1. God's promises and faithfulness should inspire repentance
2. We need to rely on the promises even as we commit to repentance
3. Truly become repentant
4. We refrain from taking personal credit because we understand we are being recused

• Career
• Car
• House

1. Good Shepherd (John 10:11)
2. Living Bread (John 6:51)
3. Great Physician (Matthew 9:12)

Can not live the message alone and not expected it – Matthew 7:7-8
Relationship with the Father meets all our needs

Wide road – not demanding; Narrow road – challenging to stay on but not with God’s help
Watch out for those who tell you what you want to here – check their fruit

1. Be ready to be uncomfortable
2. Be ready for big changes
3. Be ready to follow the narrow road
4. Be ready to give up anything

Must deny self
Kingdom is the greatest thing to possess
It will cost you all you have
Must carry his cross
Commitment must surpass relationship with family (Jesus: you must love me more)

• Relationship with is at the center of the target
• The second is like it - not far behind
• Jesus connected relationship with God to relationship with each other
• All the law and prophets hang on these two commands
• For the Jews, Law and Prophets encompassed all of God's will

• NT letter deal with relationships more than any other subject
• Carry each other's burden - burdens produced by sin
• Christians are to be involved to know what sin's others are struggling to overcome
• Helping your brother to overcome a sin is a fulfillment of the principle of Christ
• Jesus carried our burden - Isaiah 53:4-6; 1 Peter 2:24

1. Coupled with loving God
2. How we show we are disciples
3. Something to devoted to as we come into Christ
4. How we fulfill the principle of Christ
5. How we live a life worthy of the gospel and the Lord
6. Where walking in the light leads

There were a lot of relationship issues that needed to be corrected in first book of Corinthians:

1. They were divided into cliquish groups - Chapter 1-3
2. Became arrogant in their relationship with Paul - 1 Corinthians 4:18-19
3. Lawsuits with each other - Chapter 6
4. Left their spouses just because they were not Christians - Chapter 7
5. Offending other's conscience - Chapter 8
6. Acted insensitively toward the poorer members - Chapter 11
7. Who had the greatest gift (selfish competition) - Chapter 12-14

Discipliner

Mark 3:31-35

• Jesus cared about their souls more than their feelings
• God is willing that people suffer in order to learn something for their own greater good.
• Do you allow sentimentality to rule in our relationships?

Discernment

• Jesus saw people either for him or against him.
• They were either movers for God or still needed to be moved by God.

Sounding the Alarm

Mark 7:1-13

• Living by traditions = living in vain, a waste of time.
• Jesus was not afraid to rebuke people, to “lay it out” when it was necessary.
• When stirring up things, some people wake up to discover a true relationship with God or they will become furious
• People of impact do not hesitate to raise their voices in order to shake people out of their slumber.
• They are not afraid on how people react when they are disturbed from their sleep.
• It is wrong to be silent and leave people comfortable in their false sense of security

Protectiveness

• He stood up for his followers.
• Jesus took responsibility for his disciple’s actions
• When a leader stands up for and protects his followers, a strong loyalty is forged

Retreats

Mark 9:30-32

• Sometimes the only way we can truly give ourselves to the few is by making ourselves unavailable to the many.
• Retreats are a change in routine to ponder perspective to help in our personal growth.

Openness

• Jesus was very open with his disciples about difficult challenges and troubles that lay ahead for him.
• Through his openness, Jesus led the way for his disciples to be open with each other.
• Hiding produces shallow relationships and weak bonding – leads to dissolution of the group
• Few are open with troubles to someone who has never been open to them.

Tough love

Mark 10:17-31

• This young man was secure in his own material goods.
• Are we willing to lay such tough, “make or break” challenges before people? Even when it puts your relationship on the line?
• Are you willing to let people walk away? · Allow people to make their own decisions?
• If we compromise our standards, our standards are meaningless.

Reassurance - Leaders need to first overcome his own negative thoughts and feelings in order to help his followers avoid becoming discouraged.

Unconditional Love

Mark 14:17-26

• Jesus knew yet did not treat Judas any different than he treated the other eleven.
• Conditional love puts an unbearable strain on relationships
• Unconditional gives security, wipes away fear, builds confidence, adds hope, teaches perseverance, and erases discouragement and doubt.
• The key is not to love if or because of, but to love in spite of. In-spite-of love cannot fail to make a lasting impact.

The Memorial

• Jesus died for us as individuals
• It is the forgiveness of sins, my sins.
• People need frequent reminders
• We soon forget what is important.
• The activities of life so easily distract us and we so quickly lose our convictions.

Openness

• Most are either:
  • Stoics – feelings and burdens are locked away deep inside of them.
  • Cathartics – those who dump their feelings on anybody who will listen
• Jesus practiced complete openness without making others responsible for his feelings.
• Jesus leaned on his friends, but he did not dump on them.
• Premeditated openness is a key to fostering deep, meaningful relationships

Deliberation

• Too many of us would be unwilling to persevere through a long and difficult decision-making process.
• We must be willing to put in whatever effort is required to reach the best decision.

• Swords, camouflage, six-shooters, uniforms
• Boys want to be powerful and dangerous
• Aggression is part of man’s design – God’s image (Exodus 15:3)
• They do not want to call and talk about relationships
• Boys play is a rehearsal for a bigger drama
• Life needs man to be fierce and fiercely devoted
• Every man needs to know he is powerful – be the hero

• Fights the grizzly, wins the beauty
• Recipe for fun with boys – add an element of danger
• We may fear the test, yet we yearn to be tested and discover what it takes
• If a man has lost this desire (says he doesn’t want it) does not know he has what it takes – believe he will fail the test.

• Nothing more inspiring to a man as a beautiful women
• Make you want to charge the castle, slay the giant
• Men going to war carry a photo of their sweetheart in their wallet
• Paintings on side of airplanes
• Lonely men fight lonely battles
• Where would James Bond, Robin Hood, King Arthur, Indiana Jones be without their women
• Man needs a battle to fight, he needs someone to fight for (someone in particular – women he loves)

• She wants control of the adventure
• Her relationships
• Her God
• No longer vulnerable
• Fear that no one will speak on our behalf or protect us or fight for us
• Manipulate our surroundings so we don’t feel so defenseless.

• One on who be independent choose not to / he emptied himself and became a slave - Philippians 2
• We are do be devoted to one another - philostorgos = like family - Romans 12:10

• who brings into his circle of friends - John 15:13-15
• who adopts us into his family - Hebrews 2:11
• who vows he will never leave or forsake us - Hebrews 13:5

1. Ignore the problem
2. Gossip about it to other
3. Blast a person with the truth

• 27x as a command
• 68x greetings of different forms in the NT

1. Greet one another with a holy kiss - Romans 16:16
   
2. I send you greetings. Greet one another with a holy kiss - 1 Corinthians 16:20
3. Greet one another with a holy kiss - 2 Corinthians 13:12
   
4. Greet one another with a kiss of love - 1 Peter 5:14

1. Mind your own business - can gravitate to this view because of our own conform

• Can become busybodies instead - 2 Thessalonians 3:11
• Can become lazy - 1 Timothy 5:13
• Offering guidance, instructions, cautions, warnings, or sometimes stronger - all part of being faithful in our relationships

2. Judge not and you will not be judged

• Jesus is condemning self-righteous judging
• For those unwilling to examine the issue in their own lives
• Must care enough about each other to help each other to grow

• How to study the Bible
• How to pray
• How to be more effective with sharing our faith
• Principles for overcoming temptation
• How to conduct godly relationships

• Not just or opinion - but from the Word
• Not just our experience - must be based on the teachings of Christ

1. To caution, advise or counsel against something
2. To reprove or scold in a goodwilled manner
3. To urge to a duty
4. Not to rebuke

• I did not cease to admonish each one with tears - Acts 20:31
• We proclaim Him, admonishing every man - Colossians 1:28
• Admonish one another - not just something for leaders - Romans 15:14
• Admonish the unruly - 1 Thessalonians 5:14

• someone in close relationship
• someone with credibility in the area of concern
• someone who is a person of humility
• some who is allowing the word of Christ richly dwell in them

1. not making the person receiving look bad
2. not making the person giving look good
3. not to give someone authority or superiority
4. not to force someone to do something they do not want to do
5. not to embarrass someone
6. not to keep people in line

1. Must admit to being sinful
2. Must admit to being selfish
3. Must admit to being wrong

1. How does Scrooge illustrate metanoia?
2. Have you ever experienced a gestalt switch while studying in school? How would your life change if you experienced this phenomenon in a way that helped you better understand your relationship with God?
3. What are the rules by which you play the “game of life” within an egocentric paradigm …and a deocentric paradigm?
4. How does changing the rules of a game change the strategy by which you play the game? What can learn from applying that principle to your life with God?

• Many call press conferences to get there side of the story our first
• Once guilt is found, party than give a “heart-felt” apology – sorrow for getting caught
• Sin is destructive. It ruins relationships, reputation, peace of mind and personal integrity

• Some believe the abundance of tears is repentance
  • Forgiven women (forgiven)
  • Peter, Paul vs Cain (became angry)
  • Esau (wailed loudly)
  • Judas (deeply regretted)
• All three shed tear but not one repented
• Claiming to be a victim doesn’t make one a victim
• Tears can be self-affirming to one with self-pity (can become more sinful)
• Ones mostly likely to enable and least likely to help you

• Jesus considered their ability and taught them with patience
• At first, Jesus did not say anything about evangelizing the world
  • Showed them how to have a relationship with God
  • Showed them how He worked
  • Their need to follow
• He did not discourage spontaneous acts of faith
• Duties performed by His disciples
  • Baptized some - John 4:2
  • Food arrangements
• Jesus kept the vision in front of them
• Little evangelism was done on their own at the beginning
  • We should be patient with new disciples
• First evangelist mission with the 12
  • Began with Jesus’ third tour through Galilee
  • Sent them forth - Mark 6:7

1. Study the nature of God to develop more reverence before him'
2. Study biblical passages on meekness
3. Ask your closest relationships to help evaluate your humility
4. Pray about what you see in the Bible about meekness

• Strict observers of the law
• Walked around in flowing robes
• Offered prayers in unnatural holy voices
• Advertised their benevolence
• Majored in the minors yet forgetting the heart

• Boring clergy in odd clothes
• Preaching burdensome dos and donts
• Unrelatable sermons
• Unrelatable lives

• Have you created your own system of salvation?
• Do people say you are a people pleaser (Galatians 1:10)?
• Are we steeped in our own traditions or preconceived notions about the truth?
• What if no one was watching, would you still: give, sing, pray, study the same?

• To seek the person out
• Speak frankly
• Make every effort to build unity - Ephesians 4:3
  

1. Our Father in heaven - Set our minds on personal and intimate relationship we have with our God
2. Hallowed be your name  - Praise and honor him
3. Your Kingdom come  - Pray for his church, disciples, leaders, people whom the gospel has not reached
4. Your will be done - Pray for a submissive heart toward will of God in our lives
5. Give us this day our daily bread - Pray through today's schedule, needs, relying on God
6. Forgive us our debts - Confess specific sin
7. As we also have forgiven our debtors - Commit before God to resolve conflict, hurts, concerns in all relationships
8. Lead us not into temptation - Wrestle with God to be submissive and repentant in areas of weakness
9. Deliver us from the evil one - Pray that God to stop Satan and than God for victories in him

• When relationships are superficial - deeper and consistent basis
• When we feel our own burdens are quite enough - not hard for anyone to feel this

• There should be content to our encouragement - should not be empty talk
• Paul used words about the Second Coming of Jesus - words to help them live with Jesus' return in mind
• Our words need an emotional appeal based on specific biblical content

• Encouragement should move us to maturity
• Often combined with strengthening, building up or edification
• Growth in:
  • Our relationship with God
  • Interactions in the body
  • Our purity
  • Our discipline
  • Our prayer life
  • Our knowledge of the Word
  • Our Outreach
  • Our character

• We feel uncomfortable which people getting involved with our lives at all
• We tell people what we think they should do and expect them to do it

• We have access to the Father
• We a great high priest
• We have full assurance
• We have a clean conscience
• We have hope
• We have a faithful God

Examples of Conflict in the Bible

Euodia and Syntyche - Philippians 4:2-3

1. Conflict happens - normal part of a relationship
Its ultimate effect depends on our response to it
Are we sharping each other or making each other more dull - Proverbs 27:17

2. The goal is to agree

3. We may need help from a third party

David and the jealous king Saul - 1 Samuel 24:8-22

David's conduct with Saul was above reproach; He did everything he could to work things out

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all people - Romans 12:18
Peace requires both parties to desire it

There are things that depend on us and others that are out of our conotrl

Some things that depend on us

We can always have a gracious attitude

Paul choose to focus on the result - Christ is being proclaimed - Philippians 1:15-19

We can always be humble

Consider others better than ourselves - Philippians 2:3-4
Walk worthy of the calling - with all humility and gentleness - Ephesians 4:1-2

We can always be positive - Philippians 2:14-15

We can always listen - James 1:19-20

We can always control our anger - James 1:20

Some things are our of control when to comes to reconciliation but they are many things within our control to build a relationship

• First converts - Lydia and her household
• The jailer and his house hold
• God using an earthquake to bring unlikely people into the kingdom of God - Acts 16:22

• Show the life of Christ in his life
• Tell others the good news
• Mature those who were disciples

• Delivered from prison
• Delivered from his life and struggles
• Delivered from his loneliness and anxiety

Paul wanted to remind the Philippians of the blessings of their relationship with Jesus - Philippians 2:1-4
He called them to "be like-minded, having the same love" for each other

By this all men will know we are Jesus' disciple by our love - John 13:35

"Sharing in the common life" ws his heartfelt vision for them

He applealed to them to be one to initiate this kind of love
To love like Jesus is to love first
We love because he first loved us - 1 John 4:19
God did not wait for us to initiate and get an attitude because we didn't

It is not natural to love this way
Jesus does not ask of us something he did not do or something we cannot do

Will we trust the message he lived and taught?
Will we be the kind of friend to others that he has been to us?

Preached by John Lusk (2005-01-23)

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

• We need each other
• Many books written about relationships - None seem to completely work

Christ is the key to having true friendships

Friendship with Christ

John 15:14-15

• Amazing - God of the universe calls us a "friend"
• Much like a maturing parent/child relationship - we grow from master/slave relationship to a friendship with the almighty God
• Jesus meet many of our needs - Belonging and Security

Matthew 11:28-30 - Jesus yoke is easy and he will give you rest

Hebrews 4:15-16 - Jesus understands and have been in your situation

2 Peter 1:3 - He given everything we need in life

Men's punishment and curse hits man where it hurts most - in the field - Genesis 3:17-19

We drawn our sense of worth from work
Men generally don't talk about relationship as they do achievements

Man's deepest desire always relates to his strength
No matter how much a man achieves, it is never enough

Man's worst fear is not meaursing up
In some cases failure can be debilitating for life

Even received a different curse from God - Genesis 3:16
It hits where it matters most - in her relationships
The curse every woman knows the reality of loneliness and heartache

More talk amoug women revolves more about relationships than work
Imposters pretend they do not need love

The worst fear of a women is abandonment

Some men refuse to play the man for fear of failing
Some women shun imtimacy in fear of rejection

Test Time

Tests are given in many of life's situations:

• driving test
• drug test
• citizen test
• emission test
• products test
• work test

Deuteronomy 8:1-2 - what is really in your heart?

Judges 2:20-FF

• Your character needs to be tested
• "I want to be molded"

• Tested in how you give
• Test in what makes you happy

1 Peter 1:3-6

• Prove to you and him that your faith genuine
• We need to stop fighting God
• We will have challenges with:
  • character
  • commitment
  • hurt
  • weakness in the church
  • close friends leaves
  • persecution
  • death
  • illness
  • finances
  • relationships
  • dating
  • family not open
  • spouse
  • happiness
  • children
  • friends

The heart is central
The need to even to be remined of this show how far we have fallen from the life we were meant to have

The heart is addressed in the Bible more than any other topic

Love the Lord your God with all your heart - Deuteronomy 6:5
Man looks at the outward appearance, Lord looks at the heart - 1 Samuel 16:7
Where your teasure is, there your heart will be also - Luke 12:34

Trust in the Lord with all of your heart - Proverbs 3:5
These people honor me from their lips but their hearts are far from me - Matthew 15:8
The Lord weighs the heart - Proverbs 21:2

The heart can be:

• Trouble, wounded, pierced, grieved, even broken
• Cheerful, glad, merry, joyful, rejoicing
• Whole or divided
• Wise or foolish
• Steadfast, true, upright, stout, valiant
• Frightened, faint, cowardly
• Wandering, forgetful, dull, stubborn, proud, hardened

The heart can be unpredictable but it is central to our being

The heart answers a lot of questions:

• Why did my relationship fail? One or both don't have to heart to make it work
• Why are some many struggling with depression and discouragement? They have lost heart
• Why can I not break free from our addiction? We gave our heart away and need to get it back

• They all love the same thing
• They all wanted the same thing
• They were bound together to find it come hell or high water