Humor

TV Axioms

There may be an occasional exception, but these are almost always true.

1. If a woman is running away from someone she will trip and fall.

2. Your car will always start immediately unless you are being chased by
a maniacal killer or a monster of genetic creation.

3. Crazed maniacs have super-human strength.

4. Crazy people are always dangerous.

5. Good guys always shoot better than bad guys.

6. Good guys are always outnumbered.

7. Good guys always win and get the girl.

8. Ugly people are always bad guys.

9. Good guys are always good looking.

10. Sex, murder, and mayhem is a way of life.

11. Good guys are the only ones that have a sense of humor.

12. Cars will explode in all accidents, no matter how slight.

13. If you jump hundreds of feet into water, it will always be deep
enough.

14. The head bad guy is always smart. The guys working for him are always
stupid.

15. Cream pies are made to be thrown, never eaten.

16. Bathrooms are only made for sex, murder, and drugs.

17. Haunted houses are never locked.

18. Women will faint at crucial times.

19. Good guys will always get shot in the arm or leg.

20. All Chinese people know Karate.

21. Murders will always be accompanied by sinister music.

22. Rich people are either unhappy or private detectives.

23. Teenagers are always smarter than their parents.

24. Teenagers who have sex are destined to die in grotesque ways.

25. There are no ugly women, only ugly men.

26. Indians make good fodder.

27. Thunderstorms spontaneously create murders.

28. Computers never crash.

29. When someone is dead or dying, there will be a trickle of blood from
the corner of their mouth.

30. No one farts, except after eating beans.

31. Nothing cures the blues like killing 30 or 40 people.

32. Bad guys will make elaborate inventions to kill the good guys, but
will leave before finding out if it works.

33. Christmas Eve and Halloween night lasts for three or four days.

34. Movies based on true stories are always made up.

35. Police never wait for back-up.

36. Undercover cops are too good to be spotted.

37. Private detective work is glamorous.

38. All baseball games will be won with a home run in the bottom of the
ninth and two outs.

39. All police killings are in self defense.

40. Everyone wins in Las Vegas.

41. Good guys don't take drugs.

42. Nobody on TV has time to watch TV.

Aren't you glad TV isn't true?